If My Top 5 Book Boyfriends Had Dating Profiles...

I was journaling about my book boyfriends—because therapy is expensive—when it dawned on me that their dating profiles would be classified as a public safety threat. Ha!

The romance genre (especially dark romance) has exploded over the last decade.

With layered personalities, intense feelings, and tension so thick you could cut it with a sword, these books keep you hooked... and slightly stressed.

These are all qualities that give us that delicious book high… but are also the exact traits you do not want in a real relationship unless you enjoy living in a permanent fight or flight state.

Still, these books make you think.

And drool.

And question your own moral compass.

So without further ado…

Bachelor #1: Gideon Sharpe

The Heartless Hunter Duology

About Me:
Hi, I’m Gideon. I enjoy insulting women based on their personality, clothing choices, and overall social standing. If you cross me, congratulations—you’re now eligible for a free stay in my rat dungeon. Or, for the more adventurous, a special outing to the Purge!

Hygiene:
I bathe. Sometimes. Usually in a lake previously used by several other questionably sanitary men. Natural exfoliant.

Hobbies:
Hunting witches. Being lonely. Dedicating myself fully to the craft of grumpiness.

Bachelor #2: Kai Azer

The Powerless Series

Occupation:
Prince and professional assassin (sorry—enforcer). I remove anyone who threatens the King. My badass nickname is “Deliverer of Death.” Yes, I chose it myself.

Likes:
Dancing at balls. Destroying trainees in the fighting ring. Brooding attractively in dark corners.

Ideal Date:
I chase you dramatically through the wilderness while deciding whether to kill you or confess my love. It’s cute, I promise.

Bachelor #3: Atlas Maxheimer

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal

About Me:
I own a Christmas tree farm, wear plaid every day, and possess the energy of a golden retriever. Oh, and I love my parents.

Fun Facts:
I enjoy pranks. I frequently get arrested for misunderstandings involving crowbars or stalking. My apologies are elaborate community wide events... parades and a dramatic script may be involved.

Special Skills:
Saving damsels in distress from various life-threatening mishaps… and then charming them senseless.

Bachelor #4: Rowan Kane

Butcher and Blackbird

Identity:
Irish. Tattooed. Restaurant owner. Emotionally stable only if you don’t ask too many follow-up questions.

Talents:
Eliminating terrible men in gruesome ways. Extremely skilled with knives, axes, scalpels—basically anything sharp.

Ideal Date:
Hunting down the newest serial killer and making him suffer. Together, of course. It’s called quality time, duh!

Bachelor #5: Zade Meadows

Haunting Adeline

After Hours:
I spend my evenings professionally stalking women and watching them through their windows. Sometimes I break in and leave gifts... you're welcome.

Career:
I hunt human traffickers and create an impressive amount of collateral damage along the way. Boo hoo.

Personality:
Brooding. Vicious. Allergic to laws. But hey—only to the people who deserve it!

So… why do we find these men so charming?

(Because taken out of context, this is basically an FBI Most Wanted list).

But romance taps into emotional connections we don’t experience in everyday life. We’re not all falling for a real life Zade Meadows (ahem, no judgement here), but exploring extreme emotions, psychological depth, and morally chaotic behavior can be weirdly liberating.

“Normal” is… honestly kind of bland.

Books let us explore vulnerability, intensity, danger, passion—and the parts of connection society politely pretends don’t exist.

Societal norms? Pfft. Overrated.

Until next time,
Sheila