7 Ridiculous Things I've Googled While Reading Historical Fiction
If you love a funny book blog with a twist of historical fiction chaos, you’ll enjoy these eight bizarre questions I’ve googled while reading!
In my fantasy world, I’m a graceful lady of the 1400s.
In reality, if someone handed me medieval shoes, I’d sprain both ankles immediately and beg for my Converse.
As much as I love the idea of ball gowns and candlelight, I’m deeply attached to showers, anesthesia, and not dying from a mild cough.
But did that stop me from Googling absurd historical questions?
It did not.
So buckle up!
Here are 8 things you never planned to Google, and yet somehow, here we are!
- If I caught a cold in the 1400's, did I just hope REALLY hard?
People believed in the power of “good air,” so they might open a window… in winter… in a stone house… (uh oh!)
Congratulations, now you have a cold AND frostbite! Just what the doctor ordered.
Recovery time? between 2 days and forever.
Or sudden fever and death.
- Would I suffocate or pass out wearing a corset?
The real danger is you would look incredible.
Until you tried to sit, sneeze, or use the toilet. Good luck!
Contrary to popular believe, historical women didn't faint all the time because of a tight corset, but because they were malnourished, dehydrated and insanely hot in 12 layers.
- Did everyone's breath and bodies smell like death? Do I want to know?
Everyone’s “clean” level was equally questionable, so nobody noticed.
It’s like when your whole house smells like garlic or broccoli after cooking — you go nose blind.
Medieval deodorant did exist! It was basically animal fat and mashed flowers...
I can't. Dealbreaker.
- How often did someone shout 'Witch!' during normal neighbourhood drama?
Honestly? more often than anyone needed.
If her garden looked healthier? Witchcraft.
If she minded her own business? BIG witch.
Husband came home grumpy? Absolutely a curse.
Door creaks? Demon.
Laundry didn’t dry? Sorcery!
Being declared a witch was the medieval version of being 'blocked and reported'.
- How many candles did it take to light up a castle and not burn it down?
Imagine walking around with flowing sleeves, wooden beams overhead… and fire everywhere. It was like living inside a cozy, flammable forest.
When a candle went out, it was the equivalent of your phone dying at 1%.
The devastation!
- Could I learn to sword fight? or would I dislocate something instantly?
Swinging a sword looks elegant in books.
But medieval men trained to sword fight from childhood.
You trained by lifting a heavy grocery bag twice a week from the trunk onto the kitchen counter.
Apples to apples, right?
- Did herbal remedies actually cure anything? or were they just vibes?
Some remedies helped because they were mild and soothing.
Others helped because you were terrified to admit they didn’t!
And many “treatments” simply counted on the body healing itself.
The herbs were basically spiritual cheerleaders.
Survival of the fittest, folks!
- Did people actually survive childbirth??
Yes! funny enough, many women survived childbirth.
No epiderals, women just powered through. The real danger wasn't childbirth itself, but potential infections afterwards from the very unsanitary procedure and repair process.
It was the ultimate boss battle of historical womanhood!
And thus concludes today’s academic study on...
“Things I Googled So You Don’t Have To.”
If historical fiction has taught me anything, it’s that I’d 100% be accused of witchcraft for asking too many questions.
Anyway, stay curious, and please don’t time travel without good snacks.
Unless stale bread and apples are your thing.
Until next time,
Sheila
